The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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