She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
