If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
