She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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