shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
