1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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