you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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