he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
