so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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