I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
