Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
