oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
