Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
