last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
do nipples grow back?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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