I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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