I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize