i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
