Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
someone owes me an orgasm
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
