I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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