You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
