My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
