I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
