uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
