I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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