Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize