I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
