At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
