My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
