I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
...so i touched it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
