He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
