I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
