I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
