I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
