That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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