I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
