i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
