wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
