We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
