I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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