Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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