I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
