so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
