Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
