Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
