A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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