$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
