the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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