I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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