Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
