Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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