Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
