Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
