Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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