the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
