What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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