I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There was a lot of him and a little penis
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
