drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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