Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
