I think I died a long time ago.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
