I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize