U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
