If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
