and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The power of my boobs compel you
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
