Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
