i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
