I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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