Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
