Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
