Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
