my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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