He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
