mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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