Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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