You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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