Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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