sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
