Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My room smells like vodka and shame
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
