No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
