Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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